If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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