out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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