I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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