i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
