im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
