I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
