Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
