I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
