I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
