I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize