did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize