She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
