who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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