so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
