if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
