sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Randomize
