Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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