i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
