Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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