there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
