All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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