hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
