I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
