just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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