1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
