We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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