are you still at the devil's house?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
