i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
