Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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