I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
3 2 1 whiskey
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
