I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
