Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
