you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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