Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
