when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
