apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
