I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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