I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
