she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
