okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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