he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I am one with the molecules
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
