You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
