i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
