even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
