Soap is not a condiment
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
