so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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