I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
