I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
And then he peed in my hair
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