It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
