I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize